Why Do Men Fall for the 20% EVERY time??

I watch Love and Hip Hop (guilty pleasure) and several of the seasons have glamorized cheating. Stevie J with Josselyn, Joe Budden with Tahiry (although she was with him first), Kirk with a couple of random hoes in a hot tub (mind you while his wife, Rasheeda was PREGNANT with their first child together), and now Peter Gunz with Amina. I say glamorize because there doesn't seem to be any real consequences for their behavior. They cheat, it's aired on camera, they get paid, and the O.W. (Original Woman) stays with him or ends up back with him or making a fool of herself somehow. The woman always looks weak and stupid.

This boils my blood. If you are not happy with me, be honest about it, let's talk about it, and move on. Don't be a coward, give up, and dip out on the relationship, living a lie.

There doesn't seem to be any real answer for the question "Why do men cheat?" besides the annoying cop-out "...because we can", so my question is instead of going through all the effort of hiding, sneaking, lying, and ultimately getting caught anyway...why not break up with the O.W. and go with your 20%?? I loved that line in "Why Did I Get Married?" Jill Scott made all women proud!

#80/20rule

Fashion Fridays: Foot Candy!!

Y'all know I could talk about shoes ALL DAY!! But, I will try to limit myself to boots (this time).

As much as I hate to admit it, flat boots are in style this Fall/Winter season. I have big feet so wearing flat boots is just not flattering. Especially since I'm only 5'4". Short. With big feet. I look like I'm wearing flippers (at least in my head). Heels elongate my legs and make my feet look smaller (again, this may only be in my head). However, I've realized that Over-the-Knee (OTK...I love acronyms. They are the lazy way of typing or speaking and still sounding cool, unless you over-do it, lol) boots can elongate the leg too!!

 

Winning!!

Anyway, the last couple of times I went out to enjoy some nightlife or even just walking to work from the parking garage, that is all I see women wearing. No stillettos. No heels, period. If you wear heeled boots you are just towering over everyone and uncomfortable (is that what it's like to be tall?).

So...not just flat boots, but the OTK flat boot is what's happenin' right now. I can dig it.

I probably would mostly wear them with skinny jeans/pants, but I have seen some wear it with skirts/dresses.

The boots make the outfit, so the trick is to wear it with something low-key, solids (you don't want to look like you are screaming at everyone as you walk past).

In a nutshell: Leg-lengthening and oozing with sex appeal, OTK boots add instant glam; worn with mini skirts or skinny jeans, they play up your lower half, adding inches of style and miles of chic!



Poetic Interlude: In the Clouds

In the Clouds

 

I bet you think this poem is about you

Because you are

Wrapped in your own being, blinding you from seeing

That your self-consumption is keeping everyone bleeding.

Your lack of reading our minds

clouds your judgment

And you

Skip to the beat of your own drum

Walking on nine clouds the ninth one

Being the dignity I thought was mine…

You stole it.

 

See, I bet you think this poem is about you

Because you are poisoned with a head big enough

To fill the sky and that’s where it is…

You are so far from attached that

Your body parts flail uncontrollable

Like you’re drowning or falling…

As you

Toot your own horn and

Have feelings of grandeur

Your narcissism causes me to feel spiders of cynicism

Escaping my brain

 

I know you think this poem is about you 

Think you are the president when you are really

The assistant

You think you are the leader when you are really the follower’s follower

You think you are the alpha when you are the serpent

Your words pierce souls like knives in tension

Your soldiers resent you because your scent smells like something gone sour

Your laugh…no, no…your cackle makes us shudder

Get your mind out of the gutter

Because you

 

Always think this poem is about you

You think everything is about you and

You wonder why they laugh at you

They think of you as nothing but a pawn

Dude, come on

Your leadership is a joke, your words are nothing we spoke

Action reflects leadership

And we act like we lack hope

You are a thief

A stealer of happiness

You are a liar

A dishonest “other” that thinks he is higher than another

 

Your ego is a poison wrapped up in your arrogance

Seasoned with your fake intimidation

No one is scared of you

 

We are all adults, yet you treat us like your children

She is 3 and I am 2…

You think we owe you something that is past due.

The sight of you makes me pity you.

Your voice makes my ears cry.

You constantly try to control us

Leering over our shoulders like an unwanted lover

Micromanaging is your lust

You intercept our communication

And spike the ball in the core of our confidence.

 

Our fake smiles make you feel comfort

Like you are in a one-man show

When we speak

You lash us with your own words

Silence us with your mental captivity

Drown us with your beady-eyed glare.

 

Yes, this poem is about you…

But don’t feel like you have given us proof.

We talk about you like a fool. We laugh at you like a clown.

You are not a chief.

This poem is about how you let us down.

 

- M. Abla (October 2013)

 

 

 

 

 

Rooftop Day Party: Not like ATL

This will be short and sweet:

I attended a day party in Atlanta (Summer 2011) for my bachelorette party. It was FABULOUS. Everyone was dressed in upscale club gear (we didn't get the memo so we had on sundresses or shorts and flip flops...boooo). Although it was hot and humid, we had a great time with great music (bounce it music...y'all know what I'm talkin' bout) and awesome drink specials. The drinks stayed flowing and we stayed dancing.

By the time we were ready to leave in the early evening, we were in our drunken happiness and ready for dinner! However, we realized that day parties take a lot out of you and there is no need to go out in the evening if you attend a day party. We were SPENT by 9pm!!

SO....

I thought a day party in DC would be similar. I decided to try it for my birthday this past June. Oooo I was wrong!! I invited my girls, we got dressed to the nines, and headed out there feeling and looking fierce.

It was on a rooftop just like in ATL. It was during the day just like in ATL.

....and that is where the similarities ended.

When they said rooftop, they meant rooftop without any shading WHATSOEVER! Just because I'm black, doesn't mean I can't burn!! I mean it was the middle of June...

In ATL, we were able to go under a roof to avoid the sun for the most part. There was also seating areas.

In DC we walked in and everyone looked like they were huddled in the pit of an outdoor concert waiting for the artist to come on stage or in the backyard of their auntie's BBQ. Very limited seating and the food and drinks were ridiculously overpriced with small portions/cups.

RATCHET!!!

Needless to say, we looked like we were going to an upscale club (heels and all) and everyone else looked like they were going to the pool.

If the drinks weren't flowing and it wasn't my birthday with my awesome friends, I would have been in and OUT.

If I go again and that's a big MAYBE, I would go dressed casually, with lots of sunblock on and a full belly. This would probably be better if you are just trying to have a pre-game spot.

In a nutshell:
Day party in ATL - GOOD TIMES!
Day party in DC - SMDH

Fashion Fridays: Semi-Formal / Holiday Attire

As the holidays approach, we have to start pulling out our formal attire and getting them dry-cleaned (or purchase new ones...always a winner).

For Ladies:
This season, peplum is still in! Every woman should have a black cocktail dress, so why not combine the two? A black peplum dress defines your waist, accentuates all your curves, and hides inappropriate ones. :-/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other ways to rock the peplum trend: http://magazine.foxnews.com/style-beauty/how-rock-peplum

Lace is also making a strong comeback. :-)



 

 

Every woman should also have a statement shoe that SETS OFF your outfit. I'm all about the SHOES! I could go on forever about foot candy, but here are a few of  my favs for the holidays. ;-)

 

 

 



For the Fellas:

Likewise, a black tailored suit is always classic. Personally, I LOVE my man in a 3-piece suit. Vote YES for VESTS!!! For a little umph, add a statement tie (for the holidays, purple and red are great choices) or black on black is very sleek.

 

Wahala: A Family Vacation - Day 1

What does Wahala mean?

 

Let me just start out by saying this trip was one of a kind. It was like nothing I've every experienced before and I'm glad I went. I've been to Ghana before (when I was 18), but I feel like that doesn't count. The place has changed so much. Some good, some bad.

Attendees:

• Mama Tess
• The Three Brothers
• Lil Sis
• BFF/Road Dawg/Wahoo
• Wahoo

Day One
Upon arriving at the airport we discover that some of us are having issues getting our e-tickets through the automated machine. Minor setback, but we proceed. We get on the plane and fly to NYC. Our layover in NYC is over 7 hours. Here is where the fun begins.

 

We find out about these rooms that Delta offers in the airport called Sky Lounges. They provide snacks, open bar (YASS!), TVs, free Wi-Fi, and some of them even have showers. I'm sure all you expert jet-setters know what I'm talking about. This was my first experience with it. We paid $50 each and were able to stay for the duration of our layover.

 

Five cocktails later (Hey, what can I say? Some of us are Wahoos, others needed to take their mind off of our impending 10+ hours flight), and after befriending the bartender (two rules of socializing: Always make friends with the bartender and the DJ...I married a DJ...WINNING!) napping, flipping through magazines, and/or fiddling around on our laptops, we prepared to board.

The flight was smooth. No delays, a little turbulence, but not enough to send you in panic-mode. We had one or two meals and a snack, we each had our own monitor to watch movies or play games. Probably could have used more leg room (my ankles were swollen for the duration of the trip and not from pregnancy, smh...this most likely means that I need less salt in my diet, but I digress).

Lesson-learned for next overseas trip: Try to fly first-class or request more leg room.

The Ghanaian Airport (The first Wahala)
Wahala is definitely the best word for it. It was trouble, trouble (in my Bernie Mac voice). We left the plane to get onto a vehicle that took us about FIVE feet...no really...so we could get to the steps and enter the airport. Why couldn't we walk? Don't ask questions. They will likely not get answered.

We get to the baggage claim and it takes about half an hour to find all of our suitcases. Eight people with one to two suitcases a piece, more wahala.

From the airport to the parking lot, people literally were bum-rushing us to take our luggage to a taxi. Even if we said we didn't want help, they insisted...and then, of course expected a tip. Side-eye time. My dad had a driver with a mini van waiting for us and another cab that got all our stuff (barely) in it. We won't get into the gory details about how the other people that forced their way to help us were waiting for their tips as we drove off with the deuces. More side-eye time.


On the ride to my dad's house, there was no AC, and we are in Ghana, and there wasn't a breeze. However, I think we were all so excited to finally be there, that it hadn't become a problem (yet). The road to my dad's house wasn't paved. Imagine a minivan full of people and luggage trying to go down a steep road...that isn't paved. Our heartbeats quickened a little bit, but it was still all good. We get to the gate and a man opens it for us and we see my dad's house with a gorgeous view of Accra (capital of Ghana).

We get settled, get a tour of the house and take lots of pics. My dad has dinner ordered in and we we relax.

This was Day 1...Saturday, March 2.

Coming Soon: Day 2 - 4: Getting Acclimated